Is this thing on?

This is the current obsession, so I’m just going to put it out there. I got my beloved Civic hatchback in September 1995. It’s a seriously creaky old darling now, with almost 223,000 miles on it. The engine is fine, the newest (third!) A/C compressor is still under warranty, and it gets fantasic gas mileage. And it’s just an aesthetically pleasing car. Still. To me. I mean, it’s got a tailgate! So cool!

I thought about getting the struts replaced, which is a significant expense, but not as significant as the A/C compressor. If I did that, I could probably drive it for a few more years. And then it hit me. I don’t want to drive it for a few more years. Maybe another year, but that’s about it. The dents and the rust are wearing on me. I’d need to think about replacing some of the dots on the roof and hood. The cabin is so dang loud. I’m wondering about 17-year-old airbags.

So I’m actively looking for the next car. Diving in to the research is fun and gratifying. Today I went to the Houston Auto Show! The new car has to be a small hatchback/wagon. It has to have manual transmission, good gas mileage, and good cargo area. So far:

Crossed off the list:

• All Kias and Mazdas. Lousy cargo areas.
• All American cars. I tried to consider a Ford Focus, but it’s too expensive for what it is, and they’re pushing all these options I don’t give a damn about. And I still hold a grudge against that Escort for making me feel like I had forgotten how to drive a stick.
• Odd things like Mini Coopers and Scions.

Briefly considered, then discarded:

• Toyota Yaris. I looked at one today. It feels very familiar. It’s very much like a lightweight version of my Civic. Which is a little scary, frankly. Too small, too cheap-feeling.
• Hyundai Accent. Somewhat better cargo area than the Kias, but a big bump up from back to folded down seats. Do not like.
• VW Golf. I test-drove a Golf in 1995 before I bought my Civic. It was nice, so tight. Too expensive. But I’ve remembered it this whole time. But when it comes right down to it, I’m afraid of costly repairs on European cars. I’m familiar with Japanese cars. And I think the Korean cars are going to be very similar. The current Golf is very nice. But I’m afraid it would cost me more in the long run.

On the list:

• Honda Fit. Frankly, this is almost the perfect car. Amazing cargo area, good mileage, great visibility. It’s the only one I’ve test-driven so far. The only hangup is that I don’t really like how it looks. It looks more like a teeny minivan than a small wagon. Snubnose. Heartbreaking, really. Also, this is the cheapest car on my list.
• Hyundai Elantra Touring. Touring = hatchback. I saw one of these for the first time last week. From what I now know about colors, it may well have been a 2011. This really turned my head. The cargo area is really nice, with a few little cubby holes that might as well have had my name written on them for how they appealed to me. A 12V charger in the back. The back seats don’t quite fold down to horizontal, but close enough. There’s no gap, at least. And it’s about a foot longer than the Fit. Hyundai has the legendary 10-year warranty, of course. I couldn’t quite tell about visibility at the Auto Show. I need a test-drive. This car is a serious consideration.
• Toyota Matrix. Bad Toyota – they didn’t have a Matrix on the floor, to make room for more Prii. So I haven’t actually seen one in person. But they look good online. Very likely out of my price range.
• Subaru Impreza 5-door. I never really considered a Subaru until today. I have warm fuzzies about Subarus from long ago. (Whoop-te-do for my Subaru!) But they seem to have too much on them, more than I want and more than I’ll pay for. Also, their advertising is so very crunchy granola. Ick. But a bottom level one might be on the edge of affordable. Great cargo area, good gas mileage, great reputation for extreme sturdiness. What I learned today is that I can get the option of PZEV, which is ultra-low emissions, a very clean-burning engine. And this option only costs $300 more. Wow.

The PZEV thing is really neat. I’ve always been more interested in alternate fuels or more efficient fuels than I have been in electric or hybrid. Admittedly, I haven’t done a lot of research, but it seems like batteries come with so much baggage. Rare-earth minerals and what it takes to manufacture the battery. Whole different system that could go wrong. Battery disposal. Charging infrastructure when you’re not a homeowner. Natural gas cars also have the infrastructure issue. There are lots of things you can’t really consider if you’re a renter. I’ve wanted a diesel car. Because I think that somehow a diesel car could be converted to biodiesel once that became easier to do. Again, I’m light on the actual research. But diesel cars do get fantastic mileage. But they are so much more expensive than gasoline cars. The PZEV Subaru gets about the same mileage as the non-PZEV Honda, but the super-low emissions is just very cool. Both of them get about the same mileage as my 17-year-old Civic. I find it offensive that cars don’t regularly get 40-50 mpg now.

So I’ll test-drive the Hyundai and Subaru, and maybe test-drive the Toyota after I see one up close. After I get my taxes done, I’ll head to the credit union for some number-crunching and loan preapproval. In March, I’ll find out what kind of raise I’ll get, if any. And I’ll see what happens. Maybe nothing for a while. I haven’t had a car payment since September of 2000. I really enjoy not having a car payment.

And if I win the lottery, I will spend an obscene amount of money fixing and tricking out my Civic.

Ugh, it’s one of the old-style Sunday evenings. Lonely hours, slowly ticking away until Monday. Like Monday’s a treasure. This weekend will be a hell of a thing, for better or worse. I’m trying to listen to my own advice and just chill. I don’t know why I’m expecting some kind of miracle. Maybe a small one – his realization of what he’s thrown away. Or mutual peace of mind. Or something.

I went shopping for new bras and another henley shirt. I was unsuccessful. Eddie Bauer was cleaned out, and Victoria’s Secret sucks. I wish I weren’t so picky. But I really prefer cotton bras, nonwhite. So VS it has to be. I ordered them online and then screwed myself out of the free shipping by not paying attention. This is on top of accidentally paying the state too much in sales tax and getting screwed by my former merchant account company. I should be able to get the tax refunded fairly quickly, but I’m probably SOL on the merchant account fee. So that’s putting a dent in my mood. I am determined to maintain my aura of abundance I’ve had since November or so. I am abundant in time, and the money should come back soon. We’ll see what income tax season brings us. I am not abundant in a new henley.

I’m reading about The Bloggess’s red dresses and silver ribbons. She has lots of burdens to contend with, and her openness and courage astounds me. I’m sitting here in faded, slightly ripped jeans, which are perfectly adequate weekend jeans. I’m wearing a shirt I tie-dyed myself, and it’s losing the hem. I’m not inclined to fix it. I’m trying to decide if I’d even want an extravagant red dress, just to wear once and send on. I like the idea of decoration, but I drag my feet thinking of the effort. Would it really be worth it?

While I was out shopping fruitlessly, I entertained the idea of getting a second piercing in one of my ears. It’s something I consider occasionally, constantly. I visualized the 6-8 weeks of healing, followed by the ability to wear a tiny silver ball in my right ear all the time. The urge passed.

No makeup, wash and wear hair, jeans and t-shirt wardrobe. I pay attention to moisturizer and sunscreen, but that’s it. I wonder if I should dabble in a bit of decoration. I wonder how that would make me feel.

Yep, as soon as I got past The Holidays, I was back in the saddle. Monday the 2nd was positively euphoric. Tuesday the 3rd was powerful, with cleaning and the gym and rrraaaaahhrrrrr. Today has been a little slower. I’m sore from yesterday – good workout, and self-directed, no less. I messed up paying my sales tax. I think I fixed it. I’ll find out in a couple of days when the state sucks their money out of my account. I’m scheming to get back the unjust but probably justified yearly fee from my defunct merchant account. Unjust but probably justified? Well, yes. There’s a lot of gray area. But I’m going to play dumb and see what happens.

There have been some long and difficult phone calls. But I’m standing my ground. Later reflection has made me more convinced. I’m not doing too well on the No Imaginary Conversations rule, but oh well. I tell him (actual conversation) that in the events of about a year ago, he just didn’t think I should be hurt, because it was none of my business, it didn’t involve me. He agrees completely. But it DID hurt my feelings. And that is just not a big deal to him. He was going on about how I “exiled” him after that. Wow.

Another thing that’s crystallizing is a dawning realization that the need to play an instrument adequately that’s been nagging at me for the past decade or so is fading. It’s getting to where I don’t need that anymore. Thank FSM. So yeah, January good.

Or, tomorrow is my sister’s birthday. I’m planning to spend this holiday weekend holed up at home. Just me, the cats, books, computer, crocheting, TV, wine, blackeyed peas for luck. No humans. I’m a little concerned about my low ambition levels. But I’ll figure out how to get things done. I got a bit waylaid today by technical difficulties and by my former merchant services vendor sucking $129 out of my bank account despite the fact that I cancelled the contract 3 1/2 months ago. And I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.

Once the new Weaver comes out, I’ll need to be a good little webmaven and get everyone all updated. This site may look a little Clandestiney for a while, because I’d really like to move it over to Weaver instead of the bastardized child theme I created. Although, hey, it works, and it’s not like there’s new content on a regular basis.

Hmm, I think I should maybe go read in my Zen book.

So here I am at a brunch market. Free for me to participate and make sales, but it’s just deserted here.

Well, okay, some folks, more compliments, no sales. The usual.

I should be looking forward to playing with my new computer, but all I can think about is cleaning the litter box, doing laundry, having to go to the gym, sigh. I don’t really have anything to complain about, but I’m whiny.

I need an accomplice. Not a minion, not a wife, but an accomplice. Sigh.

Well, the few people that are here are fancy, so I suppose I might get a good lead or two. I may invest in a glass of wine.

I just did something I never do. Something no artist or creative type should ever do. (And that’s hard for me to write, because this doesn’t exactly qualify as creative.) I did a spec job. I did a small job for free to demonstrate my skills. It was proofreading, the exact kind of proofreading I like best. I looked over a finished layout to make sure the latest round of corrections had been done, and to see if anything had been missed.

The potential client called me yesterday, after having found my website (the graphics/proofreading one). She was thrilled with my skill set as I described myself to her, but choked on my rate. She pays her graphics person much, much less. A rate that I think I made at my first job creating direct-mail coupons 20 years ago. Far too low, in my opinion.

She sent me the job, and I estimated that I’d spend about an hour on it. Then I wrote back and offered it to her on spec. She was very happy with it. Sure enough, all the corrections from the previous round had been taken care of. Then I marked a couple dozen more corrections, potential corrections and typographical niceties, and sent it back. It did take about an hour.

I haven’t heard back from her yet. It’s possible that I’ve actually pissed her off by finding more errors than she thought she had. Fresh eyes are very, very useful for finding overlooked things. If she’s smart, she’ll see the value in this, and if she doesn’t want to pay my rate, maybe she can find someone else that’ll work for cheaper. I can offer a bit of a discount off my usual subcontracting rate, but it’s still three times what she’s paying her graphic artist. I’ve never felt so confident of my time and my 20 years of experience.

Update: I was wrong. She liked my work. She’ll use me occasionally when she can afford it. There you go.