The one that broke the camel’s back, that is. He doesn’t respect my feelings. He doesn’t respect my point of view. He thinks I’m just choosing to be bitter.
He’s a fundamentalist. He is actually incapable of acknowledging that how I feel is valid. Wow.
I’m doing a terrible job of remaining dispassionate. Fail, fail, fail.
Also, I need my picture taken.
Thanks to a friend’s suggestion, I test-drove another Elantra, same car but a different vehicle. This was after I went back for second looks at the Honda and the Subaru. Busy day.
The Elantra drive was better. The clutch was still very soft and easy, but not as floppy as on the first car. So not an insurmountable obstacle. But while my license was being photocopied, my buddy and I poked around the car. There was this weird spacer piece that was meant to be removable. We removed it and it was styrofoam. It was really off-putting. I’m sure it was very high-end styrofoam, but still. It seemed very cheap and nasty, and it made me suspicious about the quality of the carpet and other things. The Elantra is still out. I fell out of love too hard, and there wasn’t enough to pull me back in.
The Honda is comfortable, familiar, just barely big enough, extremely affordable, perfectly decent. My buddy pointed out that the dark gray color was kind of nice. Hmm, yes, it is kind of nice. The dealership is so very slobbery eager for my business. The application is in Comic Sans and I shook hands with at least four people. I actually demonstrated the back seat folding positions for the salesman.
The Subaru is insanely quiet, so very nice, larger than the Honda, on the edge of affordable. Best dealership experience I’ve had so far. I could easily see driving this car for 15+ years. As long as I didn’t give myself a nervous breakdown paying for it.
I’m going to take a break, probably, from the heavy research. I won’t have time to order a car until March or April. I’ll sleep on it and try to tap into my intuition.
Oh dear. I drove an Elantra Touring with manual transmission and didn’t care for it. The clutch felt funny. Enough for me to fall out of love with the car. This is really disconcerting. I was grooving on the middle-priced “just right” car. I see second visits to the Honda and Subaru dealerships in the near future. Sigh.
Update: A similar post on my FB page generated a huge amount of traffic, much to my amusement.
1st choice: Hyundai Elantra Touring. The “just right” car. Warm fuzzies. Sticking point: I’m not quite ready to buy. I don’t have all my ducks neatly arranged quite yet. There’s only one manual transmission in the state of Texas. Fortunately, the color combination is good. The sales manager was trying to push me a little, to either jump on the rare manual transmission, or to go for an automatic, because that’s better resale value. Neither of those tactics will work on me. Stick shift it is. If the one car isn’t still waiting for me when I’m ready, I’ll just go to the 2nd choice.
2nd choice: Subaru Impreza 5-door. I think. Awfully, awfully nice. Too nice. A very grownup car. I’d have to deal with owning a grownup car. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Also, I’m not keen on the color choices. To get a tan interior, I have to go with white, which is a warm pearly white that isn’t great, or deep maroon/wine. Not sure I could go for that color. Either of the blues comes with a black interior.
3rd choice: Honda Fit. Very comfortable and inexpensive. But it feels like a step backwards from my Civic. It is a step backwards from my Civic. It’s just what Honda is offering these days. If they had a Civic hatch/wagon, there would be no contest. Certainly very psychologically comfortable on the inside, possibly more so than the Subaru. But I think I’d rather get used to driving the grownup car.
My next car will almost definitely be some shade of blue. No polka dots.
This is the current obsession, so I’m just going to put it out there. I got my beloved Civic hatchback in September 1995. It’s a seriously creaky old darling now, with almost 223,000 miles on it. The engine is fine, the newest (third!) A/C compressor is still under warranty, and it gets fantasic gas mileage. And it’s just an aesthetically pleasing car. Still. To me. I mean, it’s got a tailgate! So cool!
I thought about getting the struts replaced, which is a significant expense, but not as significant as the A/C compressor. If I did that, I could probably drive it for a few more years. And then it hit me. I don’t want to drive it for a few more years. Maybe another year, but that’s about it. The dents and the rust are wearing on me. I’d need to think about replacing some of the dots on the roof and hood. The cabin is so dang loud. I’m wondering about 17-year-old airbags.
So I’m actively looking for the next car. Diving in to the research is fun and gratifying. Today I went to the Houston Auto Show! The new car has to be a small hatchback/wagon. It has to have manual transmission, good gas mileage, and good cargo area. So far:
Crossed off the list:
Briefly considered, then discarded:
On the list:
The PZEV thing is really neat. I’ve always been more interested in alternate fuels or more efficient fuels than I have been in electric or hybrid. Admittedly, I haven’t done a lot of research, but it seems like batteries come with so much baggage. Rare-earth minerals and what it takes to manufacture the battery. Whole different system that could go wrong. Battery disposal. Charging infrastructure when you’re not a homeowner. Natural gas cars also have the infrastructure issue. There are lots of things you can’t really consider if you’re a renter. I’ve wanted a diesel car. Because I think that somehow a diesel car could be converted to biodiesel once that became easier to do. Again, I’m light on the actual research. But diesel cars do get fantastic mileage. But they are so much more expensive than gasoline cars. The PZEV Subaru gets about the same mileage as the non-PZEV Honda, but the super-low emissions is just very cool. Both of them get about the same mileage as my 17-year-old Civic. I find it offensive that cars don’t regularly get 40-50 mpg now.
So I’ll test-drive the Hyundai and Subaru, and maybe test-drive the Toyota after I see one up close. After I get my taxes done, I’ll head to the credit union for some number-crunching and loan preapproval. In March, I’ll find out what kind of raise I’ll get, if any. And I’ll see what happens. Maybe nothing for a while. I haven’t had a car payment since September of 2000. I really enjoy not having a car payment.
And if I win the lottery, I will spend an obscene amount of money fixing and tricking out my Civic.
Ugh, it’s one of the old-style Sunday evenings. Lonely hours, slowly ticking away until Monday. Like Monday’s a treasure. This weekend will be a hell of a thing, for better or worse. I’m trying to listen to my own advice and just chill. I don’t know why I’m expecting some kind of miracle. Maybe a small one – his realization of what he’s thrown away. Or mutual peace of mind. Or something.
I went shopping for new bras and another henley shirt. I was unsuccessful. Eddie Bauer was cleaned out, and Victoria’s Secret sucks. I wish I weren’t so picky. But I really prefer cotton bras, nonwhite. So VS it has to be. I ordered them online and then screwed myself out of the free shipping by not paying attention. This is on top of accidentally paying the state too much in sales tax and getting screwed by my former merchant account company. I should be able to get the tax refunded fairly quickly, but I’m probably SOL on the merchant account fee. So that’s putting a dent in my mood. I am determined to maintain my aura of abundance I’ve had since November or so. I am abundant in time, and the money should come back soon. We’ll see what income tax season brings us. I am not abundant in a new henley.
I’m reading about The Bloggess’s red dresses and silver ribbons. She has lots of burdens to contend with, and her openness and courage astounds me. I’m sitting here in faded, slightly ripped jeans, which are perfectly adequate weekend jeans. I’m wearing a shirt I tie-dyed myself, and it’s losing the hem. I’m not inclined to fix it. I’m trying to decide if I’d even want an extravagant red dress, just to wear once and send on. I like the idea of decoration, but I drag my feet thinking of the effort. Would it really be worth it?
While I was out shopping fruitlessly, I entertained the idea of getting a second piercing in one of my ears. It’s something I consider occasionally, constantly. I visualized the 6-8 weeks of healing, followed by the ability to wear a tiny silver ball in my right ear all the time. The urge passed.
No makeup, wash and wear hair, jeans and t-shirt wardrobe. I pay attention to moisturizer and sunscreen, but that’s it. I wonder if I should dabble in a bit of decoration. I wonder how that would make me feel.
Yep, as soon as I got past The Holidays, I was back in the saddle. Monday the 2nd was positively euphoric. Tuesday the 3rd was powerful, with cleaning and the gym and rrraaaaahhrrrrr. Today has been a little slower. I’m sore from yesterday – good workout, and self-directed, no less. I messed up paying my sales tax. I think I fixed it. I’ll find out in a couple of days when the state sucks their money out of my account. I’m scheming to get back the unjust but probably justified yearly fee from my defunct merchant account. Unjust but probably justified? Well, yes. There’s a lot of gray area. But I’m going to play dumb and see what happens.
There have been some long and difficult phone calls. But I’m standing my ground. Later reflection has made me more convinced. I’m not doing too well on the No Imaginary Conversations rule, but oh well. I tell him (actual conversation) that in the events of about a year ago, he just didn’t think I should be hurt, because it was none of my business, it didn’t involve me. He agrees completely. But it DID hurt my feelings. And that is just not a big deal to him. He was going on about how I “exiled” him after that. Wow.
Another thing that’s crystallizing is a dawning realization that the need to play an instrument adequately that’s been nagging at me for the past decade or so is fading. It’s getting to where I don’t need that anymore. Thank FSM. So yeah, January good.
Or, tomorrow is my sister’s birthday. I’m planning to spend this holiday weekend holed up at home. Just me, the cats, books, computer, crocheting, TV, wine, blackeyed peas for luck. No humans. I’m a little concerned about my low ambition levels. But I’ll figure out how to get things done. I got a bit waylaid today by technical difficulties and by my former merchant services vendor sucking $129 out of my bank account despite the fact that I cancelled the contract 3 1/2 months ago. And I don’t think there’s anything I can do about it.
Once the new Weaver comes out, I’ll need to be a good little webmaven and get everyone all updated. This site may look a little Clandestiney for a while, because I’d really like to move it over to Weaver instead of the bastardized child theme I created. Although, hey, it works, and it’s not like there’s new content on a regular basis.
Hmm, I think I should maybe go read in my Zen book.
I crawl out of a particularly deep and long-lasting pit of despair. I start feeling better and making decisions on what I think are the cold, hard facts. And then I get sucked right back in. My intuition, my deep-down knowledge tells me this is the reality of the situation. But it’s killing me. I can’t do it. I’m doing (technically, refraining from doing) what I need to do. When will my emotions catch up? When will I be fine with saying No? And meaning it? If he’s going to be [fill in the blank] enough to ask, I should be [same blank] enough to answer.